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Woman sends 159k texts after date, threatens to make chopsticks out of his bones

Phoenix resident Jacqueline Ades has been accused of stalking a man she met online after sending him more than 159,000 text messages in a ten month period.

We did the maths – 159,000 text messages in 10 months amounts to an average of about 500 messages a day. That means 20 an hour. She sounds like a keeper.

Jacqueline Ades met her casanova on Luxy, an online dating app aimed exclusively at millionaires. Imagine Tinder, just without all us poor people.

The lucky guy is the CEO of a Scottsdale-based company specialising in skin care and spa products and Ades happens to be a licensed esthetician.

As the story goes, after texting each other for a few days, the couple decided to meet. They went on a first date and had sex. So far, it sounds like something out of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

But this is when things turn from Notting Hill into Friday the 13th. According to Arizona Police records, Jacqueline Ades kept texting the lucky guy despite him telling her he didn’t want to continue the relationship.

One day, the unnamed CEO noticed Ades parked outside his house. Paradise Valley officers escorted her off his property, and from that point on her texts really became steamy:

“I’d make sushi outta ur kidneys n chopsticks outta ur hand bones,” she wrote in one passionate message.

I can’t tell if this next message is 19th-century romantic poetry, part of a recipe, or death metal lyrics:

“Oh what would I do w ur blood!”, “I’d wanna bathe in it”, “Keep it filtered”, “Oh yeah u could watch me n I’d tell u how amazing u r.”

Too corny for your taste? Well check one of my absolute favourites: “I’d wear ur fascia n the top of ur skull n ur hands n feet.”

Fascia isn’t a new kinky term to refer to underwear. It’s the sheet of connective tissue beneath our skin that encloses and separates muscles and internal organs. Hot!

Months after she was spotted outside his house, the hunk of this story had to call the Police once again. The man, who was out of the country, checked his home surveillance video to find none other than Ades’ inside his home casually taking a bath.

Again, Paradise Valley police officers went to the residence and arrested Ades for stalking and criminal trespassing. Reports say police even found her two dogs on the premises.

Jacqueline Ades is currently being held in a Maricopa County jail without bond and has pleaded not guilty to the charges. Her trial is scheduled to begin on February 5th in Maricopa County Superior Court.

About the author

Filmmaker. 3D artist. Procrastination guru. I spend most of my time doing VFX work for my upcoming film Servicios Públicos, a sci-fi dystopia about robots, overpopulated cities and tyrant states. @iampineros

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