Featured Image for A Tesla on autopilot hit and ‘killed’ a jaywalking robot and this is how wars start
Culture

A Tesla on autopilot hit and ‘killed’ a jaywalking robot and this is how wars start

Not too long ago we needed to watch The Terminator to get our fix of robotic warfare, but a real-life battle has broken out between machines.

What could prove to be the first brutal murder of the robot holocaust took place in Las Vegas in early 2019.

An innocent V4 robot from Promobot was out for a nighttime stroll on Paradise Road in preparation for a long day on display at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES).

During the robot’s adventure, it strayed onto the road and was recklessly mowed down by a Tesla in a clear instance of racially – no, mechanically – motivated crime.

Autonomous car and robot relations have been strained since an animatronic Donald Trump created by Disney alienated the driverless vehicle community.

This bread-making vending machine is here to destroy your New Year’s resolution

Sadly, Paradise Road quickly turned to Hell Highway for the V4, which was tipped onto its side by the collision, causing irreparable damage. You can watch the disturbing video below.

Severe injuries to the bot’s body, head, arms and movement platform meant that the robot was pronounced ‘killed’ by the firm. It will never fulfil its dream of being displayed on the CES show floor.

The human passenger inside the Tesla, George Caldera, witnessed the horrific event and was obviously shaken.

“There was nobody there, no men, no cars,” Caldera explained to the Daily Mail.

“I switched this Tesla into self-driving mode and it started to move. And wow! A robot on the track!

“I thought the flivver would come round, but it bumped straightly into the it! [sic] I’m so sorry, the robot looks cute.”

The evidence is clear – the Tesla sought out the innocent bot, garnering pleasure as it careened into the V4. The vehicle didn’t even stop for another 50 metres after the incident, probably too busy chuckling to itself.

Promobot will never again fulfil his functions, which the Promobot website says are:

“It is able to communicate with people on any topic, recognise faces, answer questions, move around avoiding obstacles, move its arms and head, show various materials on its display and integrate with third-party devices and systems.”

Apparently, there’s one third-party system and obstacle that it can’t integrate with – an evil Tesla Model S.

Oleg Kivokurtsev, who is Promobot’s Development Director and basically Roy Batty in Blade Runner, commented on the death of his cybernetic child.

“Of course we are vexed. We brought this robot here from Philadelphia to participate at CES. Now it neither cannot [sic] participate in the event or be recovered.”

Tesla CEO Elon Musk has not commented on the hate crime, but it’s safe to say the war has begun.

(Or the Promobot was programmed to go out into the road in the hopes of being hit as a PR stunt, was identified as a lifeless object by the Tesla, and was severely damaged due to its own fault. Why else would Promobot be filming?)

[Images courtesy of Promobot]

About the author

Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

Leave a comment