Please, do yourself a favour and watch this video of the notoriously hilarious Jeff Goldblum (“in all [his] youthful adventures-m-ness” – his words) speaking with Pitchfork. We promise it’ll be the best thing you do all day.
There are many standout moments in this video, but we’d like to draw your attention to just a few in case you’re still on the fence about whether to spend another six minutes of your life on YouTube. Believe me, you do.
In the first few golden minutes, Goldblum discusses his love for eyelashes and consequent distaste for mascara. His hope is that we will stop putting on those “eyelash toupees”.
Because, after all, “…the eyeball, it’s the sweetest leftover from your infancy and childhood. It’s the sweetest, most naive, beautifully coloured, beautiful, beautiful… but I’m just talking about for my taste.”
Also, if no-one invents a brand of fake eyelashes called “Eyelash Toupees” – I would even suggest “Eyeball Toupees” – I’ll be very, very disappointed.
The rest of the interview descends into true Goldblum madness, with discussions about taking acid (and consequently playing a double-bill with the Beatles), the taboo of incest (is it really so bad?) and what it’s like to dunk your pink and white body in ‘yon’ Roman tub.
He’s talking about bathing, in case you didn’t quite connect those dots.
Okay, we’ve said enough. Go forth and watch!