From The Iliad of Homer to Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, poetry has always celebrated the beauty of mankind; and there is nothing more beautiful than the Bunnings Warehouse sausage sandwich.
For those not in the know, last week safety inspectors decided that fried onions have to be tucked beneath the sausage rather than resting on top.
Since these new safety guidelines desecrated the sanctity of the iconic sausage sizzle, Australia has been sent into complete turmoil.
In the elegant words of Techly’s own Ella Vermeulen, onions are now being treated “like a dirty, tangy secret,” rather than sitting atop their sausage throne.
#SausageGate sent ripples through the community. First our strawberries, now our sausage sizzles? This madness has gone too far.
Representing the public outcry, Peter McFadyen has penned an ‘Ode to a Bunnings Onion’, a poem that gives voice to the anxiety of the entire nation.
He hasn’t done so in the style of great Australian poets like Banjo Patterson or Henry Lawson, he’s written the poem from the perspective of the relegated onion itself.
You can read his ‘Ode to a Bunnings Onion’ below:
I am a Bunnings’ onion
My life was once quite grand,
I’d get to look at everything
As you held me in your hand.
Looking out the drivers window
Or at the people you would greet,
All these scenes unfolded
Up upon my sausage seat.
Sometimes I would be blinded
Smothered by that sauce so red,
Or a squeeze of yellow mustard
Soaked up by the fresh white bread.
But now my life’s just not as good
As it used to be,
For my view is now constricted
By the snag on top of me.
And why you ask have things so changed,
Why did my status drop?
It’s all because some Gympie bloke
Trod on me and went flop!
So I’ll fade into obscurity
Underneath some dodgy meat,
Now that Bunnings changed the way
We eat our weekend treat.
So please do not forget me
Now I’m down out of the way,
And now and then lift up that snag
And smile and say G’day!
I’ll still be just as tasty
Cooked so caramel and rich,
I’m just not as important
Since becoming Bunnings B#tch!
With over 4,000 likes and 11,000 shares on Facebook, it’s safe to say that Peter has become the voice of the disenfranchised.
Peter McFayden is the leader we need to guide us through this tumultuous period.
A brave man, a man who will not stand idly by as Bunnings and our nanny state destroy the greatest Aussie institution of all: the sausage sizzle.