I don’t like ’em putting chemicals in the water that turn the freakin’ frogs gay!
That’s apparently the opinion of everyone’s favourite Pokémon, Pikachu, after notorious nutjob Alex Jones replaced Ryan Reynolds as the lead voice actor in the upcoming film, Detective Pikachu.
Well, not really, but a re-edited version of the first official trailer by video editor and YouTube celebrity Dolan Dark could have fooled us that the supplement-spruiking screwball had landed the gig.
"I never sucked any ding dongs." Nearly choked on my sandwich lol
— Dillo (Saints 8-1) (@DilloTheBongGod) November 13, 2018
This is a masterpiece
— @lushsux (@lushsux) November 13, 2018
"Destroy the child" gets me every time.
— MrFeller (@Bjorkhoven) November 13, 2018
As one shrewd YouTube user pointed out, Pikachu’s first line in this version of the trailer – “I’m animated!” – is technically correct. Is Jones onto something after all? Perhaps the guy doesn’t get enough credit for posing as a hardcore conspiracy theorist in order to peddle overpriced supplements and various doomsday supplies to tinfoil hatters stupid enough to believe him.
I mean, Jones’ ability to make millions by convincing idiots to hand over their hard-earned Benjamin Franklins for products with names like Brain Force, Survival Shield and The Real Red Pill would be genuinely impressive if it wasn’t so hideously unethical.
Back to Pokemon, hey? The original trailer was weird enough; hearing Deadpool’s voice come out of a furry Pikachu took some time to process.
But after the jarring introduction of Reynolds’ voice, I’m prepared to admit I started adjusting to the small, sweet-talking thunder rodent. Does it mean the film will be anything short of a disaster? Your guess is as good as mine.