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How To Adult

How to remove wine stains from clothes and hide any sign of a visible life regret

Techly's How To Adult Series

There’s no good time to spill wine on yourself.

Whether it’s at a party, on a date, at a wedding – let’s face it, adults drink a lot of wine, so the chances of you finding yourself in this predicament, are pretty high.

But what happens when you’ve spilt red wine down your brand new white shirt or dress and you have no other option but to continue through the night?

What happens if somebody knocks a glass of cab sav onto your trousers and you don’t (unsurprisingly) have any spare?

With adulting comes wine and with wine comes… well, this handy little “how to” list to avoid throwing out your favourite party gear.

Strip Off

Preferably not in a public place, depending on the amount of wine consumed thus far.

Your best bet is to take off the clothing which has suffered a spill, so it can be treated properly.

I’m not just saying this, it really is pretty hard to rinse your thigh under the sink when you’re still wearing your wine-stained trousers.

Salt (is) Bae

For maximum effect, it is imperative you find Salt Bae to sprinkle salt on your clothing in a fabulous yet generous fashion.

If you can’t find the real Salt Bae, I guess you can do it yourself. Simply lay the item of clothing on a flat surface and sprinkle salt over its entirety.

If you have time, wait until it dries and scrape it off, the stain should have been soaked up and lightened by the salt rocks.

Bring out the vodka

Now it’s a real party.

The key solution to stains which have been left too long (probably because you didn’t notice them) is to pour a clear, strong alcohol onto the stain. Then, use a napkin or tea towel to blot off the excess vodka.

I know, I know, it’s a waste of alcohol. But you have to weigh up your choices in this situation.

Tell your friends you’ve been in a battle and run off immediately, leaving an air of confusion and worry in your wake

If you’re drunk enough to spill wine down yourself, they’re drunk enough to not know the difference between wine and blood.

No matter where you are or who you’re with, you are now well equipped to deal with a crisis such as a wine-spill.

Go and impress your friend with your knowledge.

Or better yet, throw red wine upon your enemies… then vodka.

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