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Bad news Australia, flat-Earthers have discovered we don’t actually exist

It’s best to give the wildest of conspiracy theories as wide a berth as possible, but occasionally the bait’s just too tempting not to bite.

So, here we go…

Australia does not exist.

The entire country is a complete fabrication, and all so-called ‘Australians’ are actually actors (apparently there are some 25 million of us) who are in on a global stunt to “trick the world”.

As for people who have visited the Great Southern Land? You poor fools, you were actually flown to part of South America – because every pilot in the skies is part of this sickening fraud as well.

(We’ll just give it a second to let that sink in, because we’re not done yet.)

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The reason behind this enormous hoax perpetrated against the people of planet Earth is, of course, all part of a government cover-up.

See, the colony of New South Wales – in Australia – was founded in 1788 as a penal colony; basically a place to stick convicts, with the UK’s prison system being overcrowded.

Yeah right, that’s what they want you to think.

What really went down was that the 162,000 people transported to Australia in the late 1700s through to the mid-1800s were actually just taken out to sea and thrown overboard.

Thus the entire nation of ‘Australia’ is, in fact, “a coverup for one of the greatest mass murders in history, made by one of the most prominent empires”.

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Did @elonmusk take this when he drove his car in space? (He’s almost as rich as me, btw. Maybe someday when he stops playing with batteries and rockets and roof shingles) Eat it Crooked Hillary and CNN!! THIS PHOTO PROVES THE EARTH IS FLAT. I of course always knew this because I am a genius. #MAGA ?????????????????????????????? #flatearth #holycrap #teslaspacetrip #elonmusk #stillaloser

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That, right there – if you’ll allow me to use a phrase made popular by the actors who say they’re Australian – is an absolutely bonza conspiracy theory. A real corker.

It was first posited by Redditor Shelley Floryd around a year ago (the original post has since been deleted but you can find a copypasta of it here) and you may have seen it doing the rounds on social media over the past year.

But the theory has found new legs of late after it was put forward at the Flat Earthers Convention in Birmingham, UK last week.

Of course, before anyone laughs too hard at this ridiculous notion, it should be noted that there’s a chance the flat-Earthers are technically correct.

As we reported recently, Professor Stephen Hawking’s final paper – published this week – states that the entire universe is a hologram being played out on a 2D surface.

You might also like:

NASA astronauts try to educate flat-Earthers in a hilariously matter-of-fact string of Tweets
How to prove the Earth is round, featuring Neil deGrasse Tyson
Elon Musk sledges stubborn flat-Earthers in the best possible way

So if that’s correct – and, again, one of the greatest minds in history put the idea forward – then the flat-Earthers are right.

Well, right about the ‘flat Earth’ thing. That Australia doesn’t exist business?

If you’ve ever seen an episode of Home and Away or Neighbours, you’d realise Aussies just aren’t that good at acting.

About the author

Joe was Junior Vice-President at Compu-Global-Hyper-Mega-Net until it was bought out by Bill Gates. He now subedits for Conversant Media and considers it a step up.

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Comment (3)


    Tuesday 10 July 2018

    I wish I was getting paid as i look out to Lennox Head in NSW… AUSTRALIA!!!!!!



    Friday 26 October 2018

    Then what about the flat-Earthers living in so-called Australia?


    Lisa Cee

    Monday 26 November 2018

    This has made my night…..mmm, maybe we don’t exist, it’s all dark outside….?