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Five of the most absurdly useless products from CES 2018

We may have just seen the biggest tech companies in the world show off their latest inventions in Las Vegas, but not all of them hit the mark.

But not every gadget showcased at the Consumer Electronics Show was an unprecedented technological breakthrough. Honestly, some look like they’re straight out of the most cringe-worthy of late night infomercials.

We’ve rounded up five of the most awkward products to appear at CES 2018.

A smart toilet

The Kohler Numi toilet tracks your bowel movements, plays your favourite tunes and warms the seat. No, really. It’s connected to the internet, responds to voice commands and keeps all your stats in the cloud. Oh, and it costs more than five grand. Bet Duchamp would be proud of this one.

The idea of a smart toilet does have the potential to improve the lives of people with disabilities, but right now, being able to voice activate your preferred bidet spray configuration is not exactly something you’d call lifesaving.

LG’s smart home-managing robot

CLOi, LG’s robotic smart home manager, is kind of cute and looks a bit like Pixar’s EVE. Unfortunately, it’s nowhere near as smart. CLOi, pronounced “Chloe,” was supposed to be the centre of the company’s presentation, but turned out to be the laughingstock of CES.

The “artificial intelligence” is supposed to enhance your whole kitchen experience, but wasn’t able to answer simple commands on multiple occassions during its embarrassing debut.

A headset that claims to burn fat

Modius Health has developed a product with a mix of advanced tech, pseudoscience and good marketing. This headset is supposed to send an electrical signal to your hypothalamus to make you less hungry, thus, making you lose weight. Like, who needs physical activity to burn those carbs right?

Neuroscientist Sandra Aamodt told The Verge in an email, “If someone approached the FDA for approval of a weight-loss drug based on evidence like this, they’d be laughed out of the building.”


The magical Bitcoin mining machine

In what’s probably the shadiest product of this list, Kodak Kashminer is a bitcoin-mining machine that the film stock company leases out for $3,400 and half of all the bitcoin you mine for two years. Sounds like a great deal eh?

An app that turns orgasms into art

For some unknown reason, vibrator company Lioness thinks it’s a fabulous idea to turn your furious masturbating routine into digital art. Yep, their vibrators send information to an app that turns your ‘fun time’ into dancing infographs.

On their official site, they say Artgasm “turns sexuality — a topic that is complex, multi-faceted, and difficult to discuss – into something beautiful and one-of-a-kind, tailored to each individual and their own, unique experiences.”

And we ask: why?

Feature image: Kohler’s Numi smart toilet

About the author

Filmmaker. 3D artist. Procrastination guru. I spend most of my time doing VFX work for my upcoming film Servicios Públicos, a sci-fi dystopia about robots, overpopulated cities and tyrant states. @iampineros

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