Along with cold fusion and curing cancer, sneaking vodka into music festivals is one of those problems just waiting for the right genius to come along.
Well, wait no more. Because a major breakthrough was made this summer by a particularly brilliant attendee of New York’s Electric Zoo festival, known only as “Alex.”
As with so many of the classic stories of sudden inspiration and strokes of genius, Alex’s solution to this seemingly intractable problem actually looks obvious and simple in retrospect. That’s the timeless, child-like quality of genius.
So how did Alex sneak high-calibre contraband past security? Well, in a way he didn’t. In that he didn’t have to carry it in with him.
His solution was simple: dig a hole and hide the booze in it, well in advance of the festival. Then, using GPS on his phone, return to the spot after passing through security, and covertly dig up the buried booze. Which was stored in an inconspicuous Nalgene bottle, by the way:
Three weeks ago we buried a Nalgene bottle full of vodka on the grounds of Electric Zoo before they started putting up…
And as with any buried treasure, a pirate-themed map was needed, of course:
The planning of the burial was simple. We used Google maps and marked our spot on GPS so we knew where it would be. Then…
Another striking thing about Alex’s discovery: just like other stories of genius, someone else solved the problem a different way at around the same time.
Kind of like Wallace discovering evolution at the same time as Darwin, or Elijah Gray inventing the telephone at the same time as Bell, someone else solved the vodka/festival problem this summer as well.
These also-rans of history deserve to be more well-known. And in this case, the other solution to the problem was, if anything, even more clever, although a bit too risky to be considered foolproof — behold, a vodka burrito:
Vodka burrito was a success pic.twitter.com/Yk2Gk6y97k
— jodye (@jodiekinzzz) August 13, 2017
That technique also has the added bonus that we now know it’s possible to bring giant burritos into festivals, whether or not they contain alcohol.
But if you want to be certain, be like Alex. Just don’t forget to make a map.