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Christian numerologist who predicted doomsday finally breaks silence after the world didn’t explode

The apocalypse has been postponed.

David Meade, the Christian nutjob numerologist who predicted the end of the world for Saturday now says we’ll all die in October.

He has laid out a comprehensive theory for End Times in his self-published book Planet X – the 2017 Arrival.

Meade claims the book tackles the Armageddon issue from “every sphere”, including “astronomical, scientific, the Book of Revelation and geopolitics.”

According to Meade’s theory, a planet called Nibiru – also known as Planet X – is heading for us. Planet X is meant to be 10 times bigger than Earth and will supposedly herald the end of the world with its gravitational waves and possible collision. But after the world failed to end on Saturday, Meade moved it to October.

Meade points to the natural disasters such as earthquakes and hurricanes as further “evidence” that the world is ending.

The only problem with Meade’s theory is that it is absolute garbage.

NASA, who know a thing or two about science and astronomy, have already called BS on Meade’s claims.

“The planet in question, Niburu, doesn’t exist, so there will be no collision,” NASA said, leaving zero room for interpretation.

In 2012, Planet X was meant to hit us too. At that time, NASA said:

Nibiru and other stories about wayward planets are an Internet hoax. There is no factual basis for these claims. If Nibiru or Planet X were real and headed for an encounter with the Earth in 2012, astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye.

But this will not stop internet crackpots.

Armed with the Bible, dodgy maths, tinfoil hats and cameras that shoot in about 120p, these brave truth hunters are out there capturing Planet X and UFO footage.

Did I mention that UFOs are involved? Because they are. Grab some popcorn and do a YouTube search for “Nibiru UFO” and you will learn all about it.

At this point, I’m not sure how the theory all works, to be honest. It has something to do with Putin and aliens from Nibiru by the looks of things. Throw in some project Project Bluebeam and a dash of Lizard People and you have the makings of a modern classic.

This century we’ve already had about a dozen apocalypse prophecies.

In 2000, there was a tonne, because 2000 is a nice round number (which we made up) so it must be significant.

Since then we’ve basically had one every year. Nibiru is a recurring fav, popping up in 2003 and 2012. Also in 2012 was the so-called Mayan calendar, which similarly turned out to be rubbish.

One of the earliest end of world prophecies I could find is from Hilary of Poitiers. He was a bishop that predicted the end of the world for the year 365. He died in 367. Maybe he meant the end of his world.

Wait a minute – his name was Hilary?

Hillary Clinton lost the election in 2017. “Poitiers” has eight letters. Hillary has one extra “l”. 1,8 – 18. The world will end in 2018. See? I can do this too.

Oh well, life goes on. The great news about the apocalypse being moved to October is it means we’ll all live to see my Adelaide Crows thump Richmond in the AFL Grand Final this Saturday.

About the author

Stefan is an Adelaide-based freelance writer. In his spare time, he plays tennis badly, collects vinyl and brushes up on his Mandarin. Follow Stefan on Twitter

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Comment (3)

    Juju Beans

    Monday 25 September 2017

    Isn’t pining for “The End Times” in order to be ‘saved’ precisely what Christians do?

    I keep hoping to meet a Christian who focuses entirely on the application of Christ’s invective to ‘love thine enemy’ to everyday American life, but I keep running into guys who insist Muslims are installing Sharia Law at the local gun range.

    Reply

      re: juju beans

      Monday 25 September 2017

      Maybe try getting out more. You aren’t going to meet any while you stay glued to your phone clinging onto hateful stereotypes.

      Reply

    Pete

    Monday 25 September 2017

    @Paul Simonson He’s Catholic and quotes from the same bible you read

    Reply