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“Uninhabitable” Sydney dump sells for a gazillion dollars because of course it did

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:

The Sydney housing market is an unrelenting nightmarish hellscape from which we will never escape.

This has been proved again in the most fitting of ways by this literal nightmarish hellscape selling for 3 MILLION DOLLARS at an auction on Tuesday night.

What a beautiful home. (Joel Carrett/AAP)

A haorder's garage

Lovely! (Joel Carrett/AAP)

This house in Bronte, formerly owned by the recently-deceased hoarder Ernie Towell, was in such bad condition that the advertisement warned it was “currently not habitable” and “over 18s to enter at own risk and please wear enclosed shoes only”.

We are now at a place where we literally can’t even afford to buy a dump.

A trash-filled, dumpster fire of a house is out of all of our price ranges – but yeah, nah, there’s no housing affordability crisis.

A front yard of an uninhabitable house

The lovely front yard. (Joel Carrett/AAP)

It was bought by Kivan Derak, managing director at a tech firm called Texel Global because now only Hank Scorpio-types working at companies with names like ‘Globo-Tech’ and ‘Syner-Coms’ can enter the housing market.

Derak said,

“The first thing I’m going to do with it is clean it up!

“It’s got great views — I’m not sure what the council will let me do, but I’d like to build two nice houses on there.”

Ah, lovely – and I’d like to throw myself into the ocean where maybe I can find a small overhanging rock that could shield me from the rain for under $800,000.

About the author

Technically, Riordan writes culture, politics and sport, but 80% of his words are direct quotes stolen from The Simpsons. He promises to tweet more at @riordanl and speaks words for The Zero Thumbs Down Podcast.

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