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Pornhub is now syncing videos with sex toys so you never have to leave your room again

[Insert robots taking all our jobs joke here.]

Pornhub, the world’s largest pornographic video sharing site, has partnered with sex toy manufacturers to launch a new “interactive” category.

The new category will feature videos that have been specifically created for use with the Kiiroo Onyx and Fleshlight Launch.

To experience the new category, users will have to download the Feel Connect app and pair it with one of those devices.

At the moment, both devices are for men, but in the press release for the new category, Pornhub promises to add content and support for female toys. Sorry, ladies, you are going to have to wait a little longer to get in on the haptic/VR/sex toy craze.

The videos will send signals to the wireless devices which will in turn react to the visuals accordingly.

The name for this technology is “teledildonics”, which I am officially nominating as 2017’s Word of the Year. Anything would be better than last year’s word, “post-truth”.

Let’s be honest, teledildonics have a couple of major upsides. They totally eliminate the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STDs, all whilst giving users a safe and more “immersive” experience.

Porn has always been at the forefront of internet technology. As well as creating innovative video players and increasing the demand for bandwidth, porn has also had an impact on payments.

In his book, ‘Obscene Profits: The Entrepreneurs of Pornography in the Cyber Age’, Frederick Lane observes that porn was one of the first things that people were willing to pay for on the web.

“In the process, the porn industry has served as a model for a variety of online sales mechanisms, including monthly site fees, the provision of extensive free material as a lure to site visitors, and the concept of upselling (selling related services to people once they have joined a site), Lane wrote. “In myriad ways, large and small, the porn industry has blazed a commercial path that other industries are hastening to follow.”

But let’s take VR and Internet of Things porn to its logical conclusion. What will happen when this technology converges with lifelike CGI? People will have the ability to realistically get it off with anyone (or anything?) they can imagine.

I’m not saying that’s bad – people are welcome to get their jollies however they want as long as no one is getting hurt. But I can see how this kind of thing may cause havoc on relationships and by extension, society. I can also imagine celebrities won’t appreciate people dialing them up for some fun in the VR tank.

So how do these devices actually feel anyway?

Techcrunch’s John Biggs reviewed the Kiiroo in 2015 and described it as “like mating with a 3D printer.”

“The motors buzz, the machine wiggles, and the system tries to mimic the onscreen action with about a second’s delay,” he wrote. “As you can imagine it’s a mishmash of sensation that is at once pleasurable and slightly disturbing. But this is not a quiet pastime by any stretch as the motor is as loud as a broken Furby.”

Two years later, it’s likely that the technology has improved. But obviously, a true human connection is missing from a lot of these experiences (however you could use them with your partner if you were in a long distance relationship).

Are robots going to take over? Not anytime soon. And if this technology is any indication, we’ll f@#$ them silly first. Feel like watching Westworld, anyone?

About the author

Stefan is an Adelaide-based freelance writer. In his spare time, he plays tennis badly, collects vinyl and brushes up on his Mandarin. Follow Stefan on Twitter

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