I don’t think I’m over-reacting here when I say that your phone dying at inconvenient times is literally the worst thing that could ever happen.
It’s just a fact.
We’ve become dependent on our smartphones for so many aspects of our lives that when it conks out on us, we feel completely hopeless.
I’m at the point where I basically can’t perform the basic functions a human being needs to perform to live unless I have a working phone in my hand.
Thankfully, that’s a problem of the past now – because the brand spanking new Huawei Mate 9 has the best battery life of any big screen smartphone, lasting two whole days of heavy usage on just two hours charge.
So what better time than now to go through the worst possible times for your phone to die. Here is the definitive list.
1. At a music festival
In terms of 100% not-ideal times to lose your phone – music festivals are the perfect storm.
You’ve had a decent amount of overpriced, under-strength spirits, you have no idea how to get from your campsite to the festival, and you’re surrounded by giant crowds where everyone is wearing the same ironic floppy hats, denim overalls and round-framed sunglasses.
On top of that you’ve lost your friends – but luckily all you need to do is shoot them a text, find out where they are, then use the map on the app to navigate your way to the main sta-
SCREW YOU PHONE NOW I HAVE TO SPEND NEW YEARS EVE TALKING TO STRANGERS LISTENING TO SOME WEIRD ASS NEO-FOLK-DUBSTEP-FUSION NONSENSE TILL I PASS OUT.
2. Talking to a Tinder hottie
Out of the blue, a Tinder hottie you swiped right on ages ago matches with you.
You hit it off, killing it with some A+ banter…but then your phone dies.
Now you’re left in the lose-lose situation of them thinking you blew them off, or coming back a few hours later and seeming desperate and needy.
The classic catch 22.
3. Ordering an Uber on a night out
You’re in the city, well over a half hour’s drive from home because who the hell can afford to live in any major Australian CBD these days?
The trains have stopped because it’s 3AM on a Saturday and you’re drunk and exhausted.
All you want is a bed so you can sleep for at least all of the next day.
You fumble around trying to book an Uber and juuussttt before you ‘Confirm Trip’.
So now you’re faced with the prospect of paying roughly a gazillion dollars for a cab, or walking roughly a gazillion kilometres to get home.
Screw you, phone.
4. About to record the world’s greatest Snapchat
You’ve practised this basketball trick shot all day, snapping every single one just in case you actually pull it off.
Finally, thanks to some divine intervention, the ball falls through the net.
“Did you get that!?!? Did you get that??!” you ask your friend frantically.
They did not.
5. You bump into Chris Pratt/Jennifer Lawrence/Any other Hollywood heart-throb in the supermarket
You say: “Holy crap, you’re Chris Pratt/Jennifer Lawrence/Any other Hollywood heart-throb – can I get a selfie?”
They say: “Sure” (because of course they do – they’re super cool)
You say: “Let me just grab my pho- AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH”
A dishonourable mention to the next five worst situations:
6. Trying to drive to literally anywhere
Because you can’t get out of your street without Google Maps.
7. On a phone interview for your dream job
They either think you freaked out, or are so disorganised that you can’t even manage to prepare a properly charged phone.
8. Copping a flat tyre on the freeway
Not only can you not look up a YouTube tutorial, you can’t call the NRMA to give you a hand.
9. Overnight and you have a very important alarm set
The silent killer.
10. A babe at the club gives you their number
And you just know they’re not going to call you back if you give them yours.
You can make sure none of these horrifying situations ever happen to you again.