Farts. Tee-hee. Baking air biscuits. Colon bowling. If you do nothing else today, familiarise yourself with this extensive list of slang terms for steppin’ on the frog, because frankly it’s excellent.
If you yourself are too advanced to find basic bodily functions amusing then more power to you, but if you still find some enjoyment in flatulence then allow us to put your mind at ease, because you aren’t alone with your teenage nephews – hell even Mozart thought they were hilarious.
No, really. When the guy wasn’t laying cornerstones of classical culture for fun, he was writing some seriously crude letters, including this lovely little extract, composed in his early twenties:
“Oh ear of mine, are you deceiving me? — No, it’s true — what a long and melancholic sound!”
Of course, as with everything else, new technologies allow for new and exciting ways to make a bored six-year-old chuckle, which brings us to a lesser-told chapter from the big book of Apple.
Casting our collective mind back to the hazy days of 2008, the year that Apple launched the App Store, there was this wonderfully straight-faced piece of journalism from Venturebeat that, a mere five months after the store’s July launch date, detailed the rise of the fart-noise app and the fact the most popular one was making its developers nearly $10,000 a day.
Roll forward to last year and the following video demonstrates an Apple Watch app called Fart Watch.
Ah, butt of course, the app is designed to use the Watch as a remote controller and an iPhone as the speaker through which to play long-distance fart noises, because of course it is. The press material charmingly claimed to have “packed dozens of high-quality, lossless fart sounds into one tiny device”.
So what next in this high-brow adventure? Well it’s all to do with the latest iteration of the company’s all-conquering MacBook Pro. You may have heard about the a fancy new Touch Bar, which is described on the product site as “a Multi-Touch enabled strip of glass built into the keyboard for instant access to the tools you want”.
Of course, this latest edition to the hardware is little more than an opportunity to up the fart noise ante, and like the developer of TouchFart says here, “I’m usually the first person to make a fart app when the opportunity presents itself, so why not.”
Why not indeed!
For those of you without access to the new Macbook, never fear because this app was actually coded before the laptop’s release, meaning following some fairly simple steps and using some open-source code, you can experiment with TouchFart and, should the muse strike, make your own.
Truly, the future of fart jokes is looking bright.