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Aussie miners are using fake penis kits to beat mandatory drug tests (NSFW-ish)

Travel to Queensland for the sun, the surf, and now, the prosthetic penises.

Yes, the Sunshine State has been uncovered by VICE as one of Australia’s hotspots for buying prosthetic penises and synthetic urine to beat drug tests.

It’s not just anyone buying these beat-the-drug-test kits and paraphernalia – it’s miners who are required to undergo testing while on the job. Saliva used to be taken for drug tests, until research by the Australian Mine and Metals Association proved that urine was more reliable.

What’s even more reliable – especially for those who don’t think they’ll pass a mandatory drug test – are the Whizzinator, Sweet Pee and Monkey Dong kits sold by passmydrugtest.com.au. These kits come with freeze-dried synthetic urine, heat packs, a refilling syringe, and a strap-on urinating device in the skin colour of your choice!

The synthetic urine these kits contain is a premixed lab urine designed to “protect your privacy during a urinary drug (THC, marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, pollutants) test or drugs test“. Each solution is unisex, contains all the ingredients normally found in urine, and is “balanced for pH, specific gravity, creatinine, and several other urine characteristics”.

A synthetic urine test will set you back around $210. Passmydrugtest justify the hefty price tag with claims their products have a 99.5 per cent success rate when used properly.

Monkey Whizz, via Passmydrugtest.com.au

Monkey Whizz, via Passmydrugtest.com.au

As to the legality of what Passmydrugtest are selling, Senior Gold Coast police officer Superintendent Jim Keogh told the ABC, “In reality, all they’re doing is making a chemical compound in liquid form and selling it. They’re not indicating what the purpose of the purchase is, at the time of selling it, it’s certainly not a dangerous drug.

“So we’re quite restricted in that area, albeit sitting behind the scenes here is sinister unlawful intent to test clean going onto a work site where you could compromise the safety of your fellow workmates.”

Keogh says to crack down on people cheating on drug tests, stricter control measures could be put in place at mine sites.

“They could get a medical practitioner to supervise the person who is producing the sample, and that would certainly alleviate the possibility of using a false sample.”

But Tony Graham from Australian Workplace Drug Testing Services says education – not testing – is the best way to prevent drug use.

“Spend less on the actual testing, spend more on educating the people this is not a good way to go, this is the sort of testing we can do that will pick it up, if you get picked up cheating you will almost certainly lose your $150,000 a year job.”

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